Manipulated

The Sikh Helpline supported a caller who spoke out about the pressure she was recieving from people of different faiths trying to manipulate the minds of the individual through cunning and deceitful methods. See below the story she has shared to help raise awareness in the community, and highlight that forced religious conversion can take place anywhere, and within any communities too and within groups and from people who we have trust in.  The Sikh Helpline are sharing this real case study testimonal provided by the victim, to raise this awareness and help to educate the community on such issues.

Testimonal (Real Case Study):

Several years ago, I unfortunately met some very cunning and manipulative people who were very convincing.  They made me believe that the way they were living and behaving was the right way for me to live. They were my friends, I trusted them. As conversations grew deeper, they convinced me so much that I turned against the values of my family. Without realising it I broke all relationships with all the people who truly cared for me. I left my parents, my siblings and my future partner. These people knew exactly what they were doing and the reason they turned me against my loved ones was so that they could control me and my mental state. I did not realise at the time, I was being groomed. I was so absorbed in to their way of thinking, through their manipulation and methods for getting into my head. I had been bought up by my family with my moral and religious values, but I did not know a lot.  They used this against me as a weapon and made me think and question everything I had been taught in a way that I had never before, and things began to play on my mind.

 

The things they were telling me and making me do went against everything that I had been taught about my faith from my family; I was so lost due to their manipulation. As time went on my life was changing but not for the better, they were slowly mentally breaking me down and controlling all aspects of my life. I had nowhere to turn, my family and loved ones were no longer there to support me, so I spoke to some baptised friends, and I approached my local place of worship about this matter. I explained the things that were happening to me and what I was being told about my faith. But no one seemed to take this matter seriously, the people at my local place of worship just laughed at me and thought it to be ridiculous. I knew what I had seen and heard but no one wanted to listen to me and all I wanted to do was to stop people from going through the mental torture that I was being put through.

 

listenEventually a very good friend of mine listened to me, and empathised with the mental torture I was going through and knew I needed help.  They put me in touch with the Sikh helpline who took this matter very seriously. The Sikh helpline listened to me when no one else did, when I was telling them about what had happened to me and the actions I took as a result of the manipulation ,they did not judge me for my actions and were completely unbiased and judgemental.  Speaking out to the Sikh Helpline, allowed me to share my problem, and speak to someone who actually cared.  This was a great relief to know and I did not feel scared or lost anymore I was able to freely speak about my problems and I know I was not been frowned or looked down upon. The Sikh helpline were very understanding and respectful and responded well, they began an investigation to the claims I had made about my experience with these people.

 

The Sikh helpline put a lot of time and effort in to the investigation and remained impartial and no judgments were made until full proof was available. The Sikh helpline was very supportive and eventually solved the issue by putting a stop to it. Having an understanding of cultural and social taboos, they understood why it was so difficult for me to speak out.  They handled my issue very sensitively.  They met with senior commmunity members to ensure the truth and risks to others was highlighted and amongst the groups concerned. I thank the Sikh helpline with all my heart, they have helped me get through the most difficult time of my life and they have saved many other people from going through the pain and the suffering that I had to experience, but also there are many other unknown victims who also went through the same torture.

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?  ARE YOU OR SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW GOING THROUGH THIS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?  PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO HELP AT THE SIKH HELPLINE, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK.  PLEASE CONTACT US USING ONE OF THE METHODS ON OUR CONTACT US PAGE.

 

A call received by the Sikh HelpLine

handTestimonal (Real Case Study):

I was in a suicidal state when my fiance broke our engagement. We have been engaged for three years now, and it was a second marriage for the both of us. Things were great between us and our families. Then over the last few weeks, I noticed a lot of changes in my fiance. His personality was changing, he became more abrupt and began hiding things from me lying to me, and he was declining my calls and not responding to my message. I had suspicions that he was having an affair with another woman and with the continuation of his unusual behavior confirmed my suspicions. When I confronted him and brought the subject up in a conversation, I was made to feel that it was my fault that our relationship was falling apart, and that I was the reason my fiance was looking elsewhere. Due to cultural taboos, I was worried about what family and friends would say about me, as a women, if my enagement was to be called off.  I was worried people would point fingers not just at me, but also my family. I was worried about the shame this would bring to me and my family and what the community would say about us. My world was collapsing I had nowhere to go or anyone to talk to, until I came across the Sikh Helpline.The call handler that I spoke had taken a lot of time to help me and she listened to my problems and helped me through a difficult time. It was so difficult and heart breaking to put my family through the pain that I was going through, but the Sikh Helpline supported me when telling my family about what had happened and also supported them to see that the fear of shame and or loss of honour from the community is not a reason to suffer in silence. I have been in regular contact with the Sikh Helpline for many months now adn they have shown me the light and given me a lot of support which was non-judgmental and friendly. The Sikh Helpline has been a blessing for me, I really needed someone to listen to me and understand me. The Sikh Helpline is easily accessible, the call handlers are here to help anyone, from any background, who need someone to talk to. May God bless the Sikh helpline to carry on doing a great job, helping people like me through such difficult times.

 

The message that our sevadaar received from the bhenji above after getting through this time of hardship...

Thank you phenji you have helped a falling sister rise again. Only god knows how you much you have helped me. I believe that god sent you my way??

I dont know what I would have done without you.

I am finding the routes that maybe my parents did not instill in me as a child, and because of a bad time in my life it has now led me to the Sikh Helpline where I have met friends rather than strangers but it has also led me back to find my own path in life. 

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?  ARE YOU OR SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW GOING THROUGH THIS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?  PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO HELP AT THE SIKH HELPLINE, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK.  PLEASE CONTACT US USING ONE OF THE METHODS ON OUR CONTACT US PAGE.

 


 

Domestic Violence Case - Call received by the Sikh HelpLine

"bless the helpline to continue help silent victims like me.."

taped mouthTestimonal (Real Case Study):

A call was received by the Sikh Helpline regarding a rape case that had been brought to the forefront after the highlighted press case from Delhi in the recent news. A lady who was in deep distress having hidden her pains for many decades until she couldn't bear it no more.

I was married for 15 years, to a once loving and caring man...who under the influence of alcohol became very abusive with domestic violence and sexual abuse too.....I had two beautiful children with my husband but years later, began to realise that a lot was being hidden from me, and all the money I had been earning for all my married years was disappearing into a dark black hole, that I couldn't trace. I took the physical abuse for many years towards the end of my marriage, including forced intercourse against my consent, but in my culture, women are expected to fulfull their duties to look after the house, our husband and our children and it is not easy when one is being continuously beaten and bruised as well as salved for one's pleasure.

Over the years of my marriage, I was continuously raped by my husband on several occasions but had no one to turn to.  I could not talk to my family as I did not want to worry them, or upset them.  I knew leaving him or having a divorce would not be supported due to the shame it would bring to the community. I used to hear about this happening to other people and they would always be advised to be patient and things will get better with time.  I too followed this culural and social way of living to protect my reputation in the community and to avoid being shunned as a divorcee, and to save my children being labelled too.  However, when I saw the Dehli rape case on the news, it hit me... how men were getting away with such bad acts of crime in india.  Seeing this message clearly on the news bought it all back for me. I was at breaking point.  I had never been able to voice my experiences.... I had been handed the Sikh Helpline card by a coollegue.  I picked up the phone to the Sikh Helpline for help.....

I was fortunate enough that my call was dealt with immediately and passed onto a lady who gave me all the time i needed to get through the memories that I had just brushed under the carpet for many decades. A member of the Sikh Helpline team came to see me where i was comfortable and listened to me.....and talked to me......now months later...i feel i am liberated of my past that I was dragging along with me everywhere....  I feel free...and its all thanks to the Sikh Helpline who genuinely want to help and do whatever it takes to make sufferers like me feel better....I came to realise that all i needed was a listening ear and Sikh Helpline gave me this opportunity.

I want to thank the volunteers at the Sikh Helpline who are doing such a great job...sometimes all we need is a non-judgmental listener to let us get things off our chest.... bless the helpline to continue help silent victims like me..

 

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?  ARE YOU OR SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW GOING THROUGH THIS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?  PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO HELP AT THE SIKH HELPLINE, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK.  PLEASE CONTACT US USING ONE OF THE METHODS ON OUR CONTACT US PAGE.

 


He laughed in my face and said  whatever... Do one u kafar b***h'

Testimonal (Real Case Study):

My family were just the average working class people and we lived a westernised lifestyle. Unlike many other girl's from my community, I had many privileges due to the trust and western outlook of my parents. One such privilage was being able to go into higher education and attend University; through which I made many friends from all different faiths and backgrounds. During my years at university I befriended a a boy from a differnt faith. I was aware that interfaith relationships were not accepted by my family; however, I did not let this stop me accepting the young boy's offer of courting me.

I spent a lot of time with Naz, during my time at University we began to get closer to each other and began to build a relationship. Naz was nice to me he was genuine. He always told me he loved me and cared about me and someday would marry me. He was always taking me out and buying me gifts and showing gestures of affection. Just after our finals our relationship was getting stronger and by this point our relationship had become very intimate.

At University a talk was happening about real life cases on conversions and grooming. The matter interested me so I attended the talk. The speaker was a put forward many real life cases with recorded interviews with girls who had been victims of the prey of groomers. The lecture was a shock to my system, the speaker highlighted some points that seemed to hit a nerve but also opened a pool of knowledge that up until now I had been oblivious to. After the talk I felt so guilty knowing that I had been sleeping with someone who had been grooming me for the past four years.

I began to have serious thoughts about my future and realised if I married Naz I would have to convert to his religion.  He had already told me this and that my children would also need to follow his religion. I would have to sacrifice my beliefs and values and any association with my family or members of other communities and faiths. My parents have given me so much freedom to have an education, dress how I please and have never forced me to practice any particular religion or sterotypes.  They have allowed me to live an equal life to my brothers and have never treated me any different to them, this would all change if I stayed and married this boy.

Girl Sad LoveI met Naz a few days later and told him about my feeling and I was upset, I wanted to break off from the relationship because I was worried what's going to happened after marriage based on the conditions he has put on our relationship. The reaction I got made me cringe and sick, I wished that I could turn the clock back and never allowed such scum in to my life. He laughed in my face and said 'whatever... Do one u kafar b***h' and those words till this very day ring in my ears' I realise, everything he did, everything he said was false.  He was manipulating me to do as he wished.  As soon as I refused, he was ready to cut me off as if I was nothing.  I was so so stupid thinking that he actually loved me... how could I have not seen this?  I was blinded by his words and he knew how to play on my insecurites and vulnerbilities. 

I was in a deep sense of shock I felt dirty and unclean I felt so used and ashamed of myself and ashamed of what I had done. I was at such a low point i did not know what to do or who to talk to.  I could not speak to my friends and family as I was afraid of looking stupid and being judged.  I was also scared about how my family may disown me. I had come across the Sikh helpline on Facebook so I decided to contacted the helpline.

Help AssistanceThe Sikh Helpline were so understanding and sympathetic and put me at ease. I explained to them what had happened to me and how I was feeling about myself, they did not judge me, they were very supportive and helped me. I would like to thank the volunteers at the Sikh Helpline for helping me sort out my life.  They stopped me form losing all hope and faith in mankind.  They helped me to realise there are people to help me no matter what and also helped to me speak my family, mediating the first few conversations. This was a great help and relived a lot of pressure from me.  It was easier for someone who understood the cultural sensitivites and also the concept of grooming to explain to my parents how I had been brainwashed and not to judge me - I was a vicitm in this. 

I would like to share my story with everyone, but especially other girls and women who are in the false Illusion that I was under with this boy. He did not love me or care for me, no matter how genuine they seem to be.  Anyone can be subjected to grooming.

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU?  ARE YOU OR SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW GOING THROUGH THIS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR?  PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO HELP AT THE SIKH HELPLINE, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK.  PLEASE CONTACT US USING ONE OF THE METHODS ON OUR CONTACT US PAGE.

 


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